Monday, February 1, 2016

A letter to Tamy on Isabella's birthday

Hi Tamy!
How are you doing there in heaven? How is it there my baby girl? Today is Isabella's 10 birthday! Can you believe it? She is ten already. I know she misses you a lot. She doesn't want to talk about it, you know Isabella, she keeps everything to herself, just like you. I wish I knew what was going on with you Tamy, I wish you had told me about that bastard.I never thought I would lose you like that baby girl... I keep wondering what might have gone through your mind when you were cowardly attacked by that piece of shit...
We raised so with so much love, we dreamed the best for you Tamy, and a monster who you knew for a few months mistreated you and took your life away...
I know you can see what is going on in our lives. I know you can see how many people loved you dearly, it's unbelievable Tamy, the support from your friends. I wish we had met them all while you were still here. They are such wonderful kids. Blaine's mom joined our Pilot International group, I wish I had met her before as well. She is such a sweet lady.
Tamy, they say if we dont let go, if we cry and suffer when a loved one leaves this earth, they cant have peace in heaven, is that true? If so, I am so sorry Tamy. I want you to have peace at least there in heaven. Have you met Beth? Grandma Virginia? Grandpa Salvador? If so, give them a hug and kiss for me. I dont think I will ever be able to let go baby girl. It hurts so much... I miss you like crazy...
It's Isabella's birthday and I am here crying, wishing you were here with us.
Who would guess the day we left to Brazil it would be the last day I would hug you my beautiful daughter? I know that now it's too late but I wish we had made you go with us. There is so many things I wish it had been different Tamy, but how could I guess?
Isabella now is afraid of leaving the house, she doesn't like African American people no more, I guess she thinks they are all murderers. The other day I asked her if she wanted to talk about you and she said "no". She doesnt like seeing me crying ,maybe that is why she doesnt want to talk about it. But, I know she misses you a lot because she wears the Pokemon hat you had done for Halloween, she wears your pjs and she is reading a book about  angels.
Tamy, Brian misses you too. The other day, when he was leaving to go to the masons meeting, I noticed an angel pin on his suit, I asked what was that for, he said he has been wearing that for you, we got that from the funeral home and he will always wear that pin for you. He loves you so much and he was so proud of you, we both were.
Charles, oh my gosh, he misses you like crazy, you were his little sister and he always adored you. He always protected you and took care of you. His heart is broken as well. That monster destroyed our lives baby girl. What makes me so mad is going to the court and seeing him standing there looking like a statue, he shows no feelings, no regrets, sometimes I feel like jumping over that little fence and grab him by the neck to give him some of his own medicine. Justice will be made, you know your mom Tamy, dont you? I will never give up on fighting for justice...
  

Tamy, one day doesn't go by that I dont think of you and wish you were here. I know I am selfish, some days I wake up in the morning and wish so hard it was a nightmare, I cross my finger and tell myself  "it was a nightmare, everything is fine" but it doesn't take long to realize I am always wrong... You are gone but will be never forgotten my daughter.
I just wanted to let you know that I will be fine, soon I will learn how to live with this pain in my heart and soul. I miss you baby girl, be good in heaven, be at peace and know that we will always love you, forever...
Love you always...
Mom